As a Christian Counselor, I use my Faith as a basis for ethics and respect for others. A couple’s level of openness to include prayer and biblical scripture is discussed in the initial session. This is part of developing a therapeutic relationship. It is not my place to judge my client’s personal or sexual life and I do not impose my personal convictions. I offer “human grace” in the context of the saying: “God loves the Sinner, but hates the Sin.”
The answers to these questions help with establishing a deeper connection for couples:
1. Were you Christian before you married?
2. What specifically does it mean for you to be a Christian? What makes a Christian different from a non-Christian? Do they have differing value/belief systems?
3. Do you believe that sexuality is a sacred gift of God to be offered in an exclusive relationship?
4. And, the most vital question— “WHAT, specifically, do you want your sexuality to do for you?”
That last response comes from their “value system” and how they understand their sexuality—either giving honor to God, or using their sexuality for personal pleasure without commitment. This process of defining attitudes toward sexuality is also diagnostic and can lead to a deep discussion of genuine “intimacy” that sexuality is exclusive, profoundly emotional and deeply Spiritual (i.e. “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure…” Heb. 13:4).
One guiding principle I always follow is that a lack of intimacy is linked to insufficient psychological and emotional development. Traumas connected with sexuality in childhood are especially damaging. I specialize in treating victims of childhood sexual abuse by using my Spiritual Development Model to make intervention so that the Grace of God can become a very active part of the healing process—for both men and women.